Thinking about this mini-breakthrough more later, I thought about my Buddhist studies and the wheel of life, and how if one recognizes when a certain point is reached and merely senses an event without experiencing unhealthy desire, the cycle of samsara, the pain and suffering of death and rebirth, can be broken. Learning.
I was finally able to put the troublesome thoughts to rest, at least for now, and work on more productive things. Playing piano - but not just playing a piece, working it, warming up with scales, using the metronome, playing hands separately then together, the same passage over and over until I could play it without making mistakes. Catching and redirecting myself whenever my attention drifted. Learning.
Finally stopping when my hands were sore, but staying musical, switching to vocals. Singing a song and then working out the chords on piano. Listening, playing, repeating. Learning.
Attachment is what I need to get away from. And yet, I want to hold on to this moment and memory. I can move forward, if I only grant myself the space to do so.