October 13th, 2012

running 2009

Body image

I took a survey for bisexual women about body image (among other things) recently, which was somewhat uncomfortable and got me thinking. In a nutshell, I accept that I really am beginning to obsess over my figure, despite my protests to the contrary since I'm neither restricting calories nor working out very vigorously or frequently. I really need to accept that I'm at a healthy weight and size and don't need to have a slimmer waist or more defined muscles.

Even my doctor said that I probably shouldn't lose any more weight, which was a wake-up call. (I went to him complaining of frequent dizziness upon standing up.) I'm drifting toward the bottom of the BMI scale for "normal" weight, but I haven't starved myself to get there. It's just very unfamiliar territory as for most of my adult life I was at least 25 pounds heavier than I am now.

I didn't lose the weight to try to make myself more attractive to the opposite (or same) sex. I had more regular sex partners at 150+ pounds than I do now at ~116 pounds. The local poly community is very size-positive, and even speaking positively about losing weight risks being called out for "fat-shaming". But it's not really any of my business what anyone else weighs, unless they are a loved one or a friend who asks me for health advice. This is about me, and my distorted image of my figure which persists regardless of what any friends, lovers, or strangers have to say about it.