Pax (funcrunch) wrote,
Pax
funcrunch

  • Mood:

Pretty, but shallow?

I've been feeling down again lately about some issues that are (mostly) beyond my control. But I have been feeling better about my physical appearance, at least. Not just my weight, which is still definitely going down; I fit into my size 14 jeans the other night (was wearing 16 - not that women's clothing sizes make much sense, but these size 14s are definitely smaller), and hopefully very soon I will be able to move the big weight off of the 150 on our doctor's scale. But anyway, lately when I've been looking into the mirror, I've been feeling... attractive. This is a somewhat unusual feeling for me. I don't know what combination it is of my weight, my choice of clothes, my hair (this week I started wearing it pulled back, with a few curls left out in front, for a change - no photos yet though - [edit - lack of photos now remedied]), or simply my attitude, but it's a nice feeling to look in the mirror and admire the person looking back.

I'm worried though that I've been focusing too much on my physical appearance, and risk becoming the very kind of person I have always loathed: a shallow, beauty-obsessed woman. I would really like to concentrate more on things like my music, photography, and work, and not care so much how I look. But my mind is going in circles nowadays, and I feel like I'm in a rut.

Actually I feel like I've been in a rut for months, if not years. So I have to remind myself that I have accomplished some things over the last year, like improving my singing voice since I started taking lessons, learning more about audio and video production, and taking daily exercise. I hope not to write off 2006 as a loss, then, though I always feel like there's more I should have accomplished.
Tags: fitness, singing
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